This is what America's first team of players was like. No, better yet, this is what God's first team looked like. A 6-4-3 double play was the likes of a ground ball to John Jay, flip to Pat Henry, and a hard throw to a splits-stretched George Washington. John Adams had a cannon for an arm in right Field. Once they tested his arm against Brigadier General Henry Knox's artillery, and having out-gunned Knox's 12lber cannons, Adams was commissioned to lob cannon balls in the Battle of Yorktown, single-handedly earning America the victory.
I challenge you to prove me wrong. Tom Jefferson threw more no-no's than Declarations of Independence. Ben Franklin caught more games than French whores, and yes, they did start the game of baseball with the Designated Hitter. Why? Because they knew it would yield a better fan-base and generate more offense. How did they know? See Above--God ordained them to play this way. Paul Revere could smash. He whipped more home runs in a season than ponies at the break of dawn on April 7, 1775.
I bet you didn't know that actually Alex Hammy killed Aaron Burr in the famous duel...between double headers no less. That day, Alex robbed Aaron Burr of a potential home run, then robbed him of his life. It was little known until now that Jim Madison and Tom Paine formed the 4 and 5 hitters of the lineup, earning themselves the nickname duo of "MadPaine" because of their relentless onslaught of both insane banter and pamphleteering during games. Once in international play, they killed an entire British Redcoat ball club in front of a sold-out crowd in Leeds, England by cramming paper down their throats one by one...after hitting 8 home runs each.
