Brief Biography 1

This account is a brief biography of a legendary cave troll named Ryan, as witnessed and told by Troll Elder, Hoqwit Fork of the Bumcutt Band. 

Ryan first emerged from his cave in 938 AD and quickly began raiding villages outlying the Black Forest. Ryan’s  band of trolls quickly recognized his ferocity in flaying the hides of humans and sheep alike, and by autumn of 939 he was brought before the Chief Troll, Grosh-Nab, and promoted to be the band leader of the Rip-Noses, an up-and-coming group of youth trolls with lots to prove. In his first year of pillaging with the Rip-Noses, Ryan quadrupled the amount of hides harvested from the free-folk, and to the satisfaction of other troll clans, also subdued the Grey Cloak Patrol that hindered some of raiding along the Alpine Road. 

By the Spring of 940, Ryan’s infamy had spread throughout the land. His expertise in bulk-skin commodities was sought far and wide among other trolls, and his knack for instilling fear in the villages was consulted even among the fearsome Hob-Torbkin Elders. Grosh-Nab, fearing the growing power of Ryan’s influence and popularity, moved him to the tiresome role of Cavehold Rawl. The majority of his work involved managing the teams of she-trolls who helped the weaker clans survive with food subsidies and worn-out caves. It was also Ryan’s duty to manage the rationing of bones, skulls, and various loot reaped from the local towns; thereby ensuring the stability of the brilliant yet delicate infrastructure of what was then the Golden Age of Troll Society.

The Game

"I don't want to play games." 

Do you say this? I know you've at least heard it before, particularly when it involves people and their relationships. The remark is idiotic. Life itself is a game. Why would you think that what it takes to date another person isn't a game? Our modern American culture has set the board up for us, and we might as well hunker our asses down Indian-style and choose our avatar. 

The games are all around us whether or not you have the guts to admit it. You aren't going to start a romance or even make a friend unless you play. There are rules, there are ways to win, and there are ways to lose. The game is built upon steps and objectives that require time and events to succeed. 

The bottom line is that we do certain things in order to get another thing. It's that simple. Think about it. You hedge your bets on yourself to go to college to get a degree. You plan and work on your studies to get a major to give you better shot at a job that you want. You meet the right people, network with the right friends, build your resume experiences--all to get a job. You get a job to make money and find some role in society. Your body is the piece and your brain and heart make the player. It's all a game, and once you realize that fact and understand what you need to do, you'll start winning. When you fail, you'll realize how to start over and what you need to do to get back up. Let's look at the example of a romantic relationship.

Your goal here is to make the person yours and you theirs. Even the naive, "I don't want to play" individuals have to admit this. The reality is that this is your victory requirement. If you don't get them, you lose. No cliche babble can negate that. 

• Pick who you are going to be. No seriously. Choose your character. Are you going to be yourself? Partially yourself? Someone different? Are you making some personality changes? Whatever personality crisis or identity issues you are having, you need to know who you are. You don't need to have all the confidence in the world, though the more the better, but you need to know some of your personal goals and beliefs.

• You have to choose the target. Yes this is obvious, but it is your first external objective to complete. This is effort is in two phases: 
• You MUST find someone and be physically attracted to them. I don't care what anyone says about beauty on the inside and needing to only have a "kind-soul". If you aren't attracted to them physically, it's not going to get started. 
• Then...if you actually think the person doesn't look like a troll, but someone you could actually sleep with an indefinite number of times and like to look at across a table...then gauge their thought-process and personality. 

• If things seem compatible with you, great; but you aren't done yet. They must also think you are compatible with them. You shouldn't be surprised how often people ignorantly think things are going well and the person is also into them, purely on one-sided evidence. Your objective is to get a feel for if they like you. Otherwise you're going to look like a moron and will  be wasting both of your time.

• You have to date them. It is your task to spend time with them and build experiences together. There's no getting around this. This step is simply the natural order of today's relationship. If you're lucky, you won't despise each other over the course of these dates, and you'll like one another more. If this happens, you've accomplished this objective.

• Build up your points. 
• Give compliments. Saying kind words is as easy as it gets. Mean what you say, and it goes even further.
• Be honest, but think before you speak. Just as you would a friend or family member, give your opinion when you are asked, but be wise enough to not say things that could hurt their feelings. If it might, it's probably worth keeping your mouth shut. 
• Remember what they say about their life, family, and friends.
• Make an effort. Be attentive. This isn't a how-to.
• Etc.

• Let all of the above objectives occur gradually over time. If you have made it this far after a few months, you probably already won. If they are crazy, they let you win earlier on. If you're crazier you let them win early on and potentially scared them off. Start the game over. 

If the person is being confusing and seems non-committal, assume that they don't want to work. They are wasting your time. This is the single-most important point. Your target will let you play the game together if there is potential. If in your mind you are doing the right things and objectives as above, and finding the person conflicting to it, they are for someone else, and you for another playmate. 

Marriage isn't for who? You said "you" meaning me. That is incorrect.

Marriage Isn't For You

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

I keep seeing the above article pop up on social media.  Please go read it.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  

Intermission music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hmDZz5pDOQ

I can't grow big and strong anymore...

I know what are you are thinking. You are thinking about a penis. One that is no longer able to stay hard. One that's sad and floppy. Well, that's not what I'm talking about here, guy. Let me explain...

Remember when you were a kid and people told you that your body was going to grow into giant? Your mom, doctor, or whoever would tell you to drink milk, eat vegetables and exercise so that you could grow big and strong. You thought time was your best friend; with each day making you bigger and more powerful. Every day you increased your ability to run faster, climb higher, lift more, and ultimately be reckoned with among the other humans in your daily life. There was no limit to what you could do, and you never saw a year that didn't reveal your strides in growth. There was no evidence shown to your body that this could end.  

Well friends, that time is over in your 20s. You peak. You can't be any better of an athlete than during this age. Most of us can train us to be quicker and stronger in our 30s or beyond, but not as much as you were able in your 20s. Granted, we do grow wiser, and guys--we do grow more handsome--but we can start to see that our body doesn't preform athletically as well as we have been expecting it to. Sad times.

This leads me to the point of this script that I'm writing: Why at the age of 28, do I still work out?

Sure there are some of the readily explainable reasons such as the vanity of wanting to look good, the health aspect of wanting to take care of my well-being, the desire to do well in a sport, and of course the demands to attract a mate. But after some contemplation I think that the true reason is that I cannot let go of wanting to grow and be strong. 

I refuse to let go of the agility and power that I have maintained for so long. I work out to keep that ability alive; to still be able to push myself to do the things that I have always done. The sad reality is that time is not my best friend anymore in that light. I'm fighting time, I'm battling what it does to my muscles and reflexes by training them. I may be foolish, but I still want to be able to sprint after that football, climb that tree, balance on that board, hike that mountain, and be big and strong. I've reached as "big and strong" as I can be. I'm not ready to descend off of that plateau.