Marriage isn't for who? You said "you" meaning me. That is incorrect.

Marriage Isn't For You

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

I keep seeing the above article pop up on social media.  Please go read it.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  

Intermission music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hmDZz5pDOQ

Welcome back.

Congratulations to that guy on writing the "Eat right and exercise" of relationship advice.  This guy looks all deep and introspective because he spouted off some agreeable unchallengeable principle and made a pun with no sort of followup.  I hope he follows it up with a post on "Freedom isn't free, the costs of being alone :("  Let's get some self-aggrandizing ribbon to make ourselves feel better because we are incapable as a nation of doing anything that puts others before ourselves without receiving some sort of credit or notoriety for it since we're all selfish jerks.  I'm sorry if that seems harsh but he’s being a stupid selfish jerk, and believe me it takes one to know one because I'm a stupid selfish jerk.  But nobody wants to admit that.  I think admitting you're a stupid selfish jerk is liberating and helps you realistically budget for when you're a stupid selfish jerk, because the only thing worse that being a stupid selfish jerk is being a stupid selfish jerk in denial.  Therein lies the problem since it ain't just a river in Egypt.

Maybe I'm too warped by studying/working in accounting.  To me it's pretty simple.  For every relationship you've got an account.  And much like the bank, it doesn't magically get filled up money just because you signed a paper.  You have to do things so if you want to withdraw from it, you've got to make deposits first.  Oh and you better believe there's compounding interest in that other person. (I would like to issue an apology for that attempt at financial humor.)  But that’s really all it boils down to, committing to the other person in the relationship give and take.

What's that?  If it's so easy, then why is it so hard?  Again.  Because we as humans suck.  Nobody wants to earn anything or give anything to someone else.  We all just want to hoard away our nuts in our cheeks like squirrels readying for a hard winter and never share.

In fact, this reminds me of another guy who wrote out the ways he blew his marriage, and then comes out gay.  Not that I care that he’s gay, but that’s kind of a big reason to blow a marriage.  And why?  Because it’s easier to be crappy to another person than to be honest with ourselves.

  

There is nothing more tough or manly than being comfortable with yourself and not complaining about not getting to do your favorite thing all the time.  That’s why these articles keep popping up, which amuses me because it’s not the people NOT doing these things that are writing the articles. “Really?  You did ALL 16 of those things?  No wonder your marriage was troubled.  I mean, you couldn’t just like chore wheel half of the things and rotate weekly?  It seems to me that you get credit for trying to balance half of them.  It’s like baseball rules there buddy.  .300 will get you to the Hall of Fame.”  I'd like to imagine a nice guy Valhalla where there is a cold beer and comfy chair to sit in and watch your favorite programming right after you do your chores.  You've earned it.

Another problem we have is this whole notion of "what is manliness" is driven by some antiquated chauvinistic society.  Guess what guys?  Girls don't *need* you anymore as there is no longer a system of legalized oppression.  So if they don't *need* you, you have to make women WANT you. (Please note: All people younger than 23 are basically dumb and don't know what they want and are still children.) 

The best relationship advice I think I've ever gotten was one simple line.  "You're saying, you'd rather be miserable in dealing with crap with this person than whatever you'd come across alone."  If you answer yes, you have to put you money where your mouth is and buck up. Chivalry isn’t for everyone.  Hence why the guy who hated it invented the revolving door so he didn't have to interact with other people.  The beautiful thing that happens when you give more than you think you should have to, you'll usually get back more than you deserve.

Granted, there is no such thing as a selfless act since you’re depositing in the relationship fund.  But you can still serve others even if it benefits you.  That's where we are as people.  If you're so dumb as to not realize that in a relationship, you have to do things for the other person well, you're an idiot that doesn't need to be in one...with anyone.  

I demand a title change or at least an asterisk.  "Marriage Is Not For You*"

 *Sucky person if you're going to keep sucking.  Stop it.  It's not an accident that nice, caring, appreciative people are happy and you're a stupid selfish jerk who is miserable.