The Game

"I don't want to play games." 

Do you say this? I know you've at least heard it before, particularly when it involves people and their relationships. The remark is idiotic. Life itself is a game. Why would you think that what it takes to date another person isn't a game? Our modern American culture has set the board up for us, and we might as well hunker our asses down Indian-style and choose our avatar. 

The games are all around us whether or not you have the guts to admit it. You aren't going to start a romance or even make a friend unless you play. There are rules, there are ways to win, and there are ways to lose. The game is built upon steps and objectives that require time and events to succeed. 

The bottom line is that we do certain things in order to get another thing. It's that simple. Think about it. You hedge your bets on yourself to go to college to get a degree. You plan and work on your studies to get a major to give you better shot at a job that you want. You meet the right people, network with the right friends, build your resume experiences--all to get a job. You get a job to make money and find some role in society. Your body is the piece and your brain and heart make the player. It's all a game, and once you realize that fact and understand what you need to do, you'll start winning. When you fail, you'll realize how to start over and what you need to do to get back up. Let's look at the example of a romantic relationship.

Your goal here is to make the person yours and you theirs. Even the naive, "I don't want to play" individuals have to admit this. The reality is that this is your victory requirement. If you don't get them, you lose. No cliche babble can negate that. 

• Pick who you are going to be. No seriously. Choose your character. Are you going to be yourself? Partially yourself? Someone different? Are you making some personality changes? Whatever personality crisis or identity issues you are having, you need to know who you are. You don't need to have all the confidence in the world, though the more the better, but you need to know some of your personal goals and beliefs.

• You have to choose the target. Yes this is obvious, but it is your first external objective to complete. This is effort is in two phases: 
• You MUST find someone and be physically attracted to them. I don't care what anyone says about beauty on the inside and needing to only have a "kind-soul". If you aren't attracted to them physically, it's not going to get started. 
• Then...if you actually think the person doesn't look like a troll, but someone you could actually sleep with an indefinite number of times and like to look at across a table...then gauge their thought-process and personality. 

• If things seem compatible with you, great; but you aren't done yet. They must also think you are compatible with them. You shouldn't be surprised how often people ignorantly think things are going well and the person is also into them, purely on one-sided evidence. Your objective is to get a feel for if they like you. Otherwise you're going to look like a moron and will  be wasting both of your time.

• You have to date them. It is your task to spend time with them and build experiences together. There's no getting around this. This step is simply the natural order of today's relationship. If you're lucky, you won't despise each other over the course of these dates, and you'll like one another more. If this happens, you've accomplished this objective.

• Build up your points. 
• Give compliments. Saying kind words is as easy as it gets. Mean what you say, and it goes even further.
• Be honest, but think before you speak. Just as you would a friend or family member, give your opinion when you are asked, but be wise enough to not say things that could hurt their feelings. If it might, it's probably worth keeping your mouth shut. 
• Remember what they say about their life, family, and friends.
• Make an effort. Be attentive. This isn't a how-to.
• Etc.

• Let all of the above objectives occur gradually over time. If you have made it this far after a few months, you probably already won. If they are crazy, they let you win earlier on. If you're crazier you let them win early on and potentially scared them off. Start the game over. 

If the person is being confusing and seems non-committal, assume that they don't want to work. They are wasting your time. This is the single-most important point. Your target will let you play the game together if there is potential. If in your mind you are doing the right things and objectives as above, and finding the person conflicting to it, they are for someone else, and you for another playmate.